Essentials Pt. 2

Books. I'm going to be an English teacher in 2 years now, maybe 2 1/2, we'll see. Either way my ADD makes reading difficult but I get so much satisfaction every time i finish a novel. Eventually I want to be a college professor and teach a class in Literary Analysis or any other type of Literature class. Here's my essential list of books to read.

"Breakfast of Champions"
"Cat's Cradle"
"Slaughterhouse Five"

All by Kurt Vonnegut. My favorite author and in a way, my hero. It wasn't until I finished BoC that I came to this conclusion. I had read SHV and loved it, but that didn't hit me until much later after I finished reading it. His style is genius and so complex, yet simplistic. He blends together everything I love in a book and I can do nothing but read the works of his. Every book has multiple quotes which pertain to him personally that I relate to so well. If you haven't read anything of his, you are truly missing out. Start with Slaughterhouse Five because it's the classic, but don't make your final opinion until you finish Breakfast of Champions.

"Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close" by Jonathan Safran Foer

I was recommended this book but when I read the description wasn't interested. I finally decided to pick it up anyways and it had me hooked. I have recommended this to so many people, including my mother, and all of which share the same admiration. It will make you laugh and cry. There's so much more to the book than what the story entails, and it's so well put together that, based on my preference for reading, it makes perfect sense why I love it so much. It's story includes themes of childhood innocence, loss, family issues, love, fear, and more. The book is a roller coaster of emotions and will make you feel the same way.

"The Great Gatsby" by F. Scott Fitzgerald

Chances are you read this in school, we all did. Most of us hated it. Behind the overly-detailed descriptions and stories of spoiled rich people is a story more beautiful than anything. In my opinion, it is the best book of the Modernism literary period. It also has a complete disdain for the American Dream, which everyone chased at the time. When it came out, most people hated it, but then, just like me, it hit me.

"Perks of Being a Wallflower" by Steven Chbosky

It's cliche, but one of my biggest regrets is not reading this earlier on in life. It probably would've helped me out a lot. It'll take you a day, and entirely worth it. Also, it has one of the best mixtapes ever made.

"Night of the Iguana" by Tennessee Williams

Playwrights are odd and sometimes difficult to read. But anything by Williams is brilliant if you pay enough attention.

"Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance" by Robert Pirsig

I'm still working through this, and taking my time just like Pirsig says. What I've gotten out of it so far is multiple life lessons that I think anybody can utilize in some respect.

"Ishmael" by Daniel Quinn

Just a mind-bending book, which is more of an informal guide to human culture disguised as a novel. It takes some work but in the end is entirely worth your time.

"Night" by Elie Wiesel

You probably read this in high school too. There's a reason. One of the most powerful books ever written, but also it instills a sense of hope unlike many other books.

"Survivor" by Chuck Palahniuk

Holy. Fuck. also read "Rant" if you can make it through.

essentials

The next few posts will be essentials in specific categories. The first and longest is music...

Against Me!- Crime as Forgiven By...
Against Me!- Reinventing Axl Rose
Animal Collective- Sung Tongs
At the Drive-In- Relationship of Command
Bad Brains- S/T (Roir Cassette)
Bane- Give Blood
Black Flag- My War
Boards of Canada- Geogaddi
Broken Social Scene- S/T
Buried Alive- DOYPW
Count Me Out- Permanent
Crowbar- Broken Glass
Crowbar- Sonic Excess in it's Purest Form
Cult of Luna- Eternal Kingdom
Cult of Luna- Somewhere Along the Highway
Cursed- Blackouts at Sunrise
Cursed- II
Cursed- III
Deftones- White Pony
Do Make Say Think- Winter Hymn, Country Hymn, Secret Hymn
Down- I: Nola (but you should get all of them... oh fuck it...
Down- II: A Bustle in your Hedgerow
Down- III: Over the Under
Elliott Smith- S/T
Foundation- Hang Your Head
Fugazi- Repeater
From Ashes Rise- Nightmares
Godspeed You! Black Emperor- Lift Your Skinny Fists Like Antennaes to Heaven
Grizzly Bear- Veckatimest
Have Heart- Songs to Scream at the Sun
His Hero Is Gone- Monuments to Thieves
Hostage Calm- Lens
Hot Water Music- No Division
Instilled- Unfinished Business
Integrity- Those Who Fear Tomorrow
Integrity- Systems Overload
Integrity- Humanity is the Devil
Jawbreaker- Bivouac
John Fahey- Days Have Gone By
King Geedorah- Take me to your Leader
Leatherface- Mush
Lion of Judah- Universal Peace
Mars Volta- De Loused in the Comatorium
Mastodon- Crack the Skye
Mental- GAOT
Mewithoutyou- Catch for us the Foxes
MLIW- Witness
Modest Mouse- The Lonesome Crowded West
Modest Mouse- Building Nothing out of Something
My Bloody Valentine- Loveless
Nas- Illmatic
Nick Drake- Pink Moon
O Pioneers!!!- Neon Creeps
Radiohead- Everything
Rachel's- Music For Egon Schiele
The Replacements- Tim
Righteous Jams- Rage of Discipline
Ringworm- Birth Is Pain
Shipwreck- Abyss
Sonic Youth- Daydream Nation
The Smashing Pumpkins- Siamese Dream
A Tribe Called Quest- The Low End Theory
Verse- From Anger and Rage
Weezer- Pinkerton

<3

My Mood Swings

sometimes i feel like there's no way life could get any better. and other times i feel like the only way i'll be happy again is if i were to run off to some far away country. sometimes i feel like i'm living life to the fullest, other times i feel like i'm wasting every second of every minute of every hour of every day of every year. sometimes i feel like my dreams have come true, other times i feel like i'm living in a nightmare. sometimes hell seems so remote, other times it feels far too close. sometimes i feel like i just need to stay where i am, other times i feel like i need to hit the road.

today i realize that maybe i'm just both.

the more i think about it

Happiness is like a cliff in heaven overlooking hell. You're standing on the edge feeling sorry for the people down below then before you know it the wind blows you down. Eventually you work your way back up and on and on and on and on


the more i think about it the more life feels hollowed out and monotonous. every day is starting to feel like the last. the only thing that separates it from the previous day is how much more i noticed every day feeling the same. the one thing i've noticed with my internship is that what i'm doing now will be what i'm doing every day for the rest of my life.

while that will be fine someday later on when i'm ready to settle, currently i feel like i keep shooting myself in the foot. the only place i want to be is the road, but then knowing it's impossible tears me apart on the inside. it's a shame having so much more than so many people yet being similar in the sense that i still want something i may never get.

i'm starting to realize it's just human nature but i also have tried my best to abstain from general human nature, and avoid being just another disgusting animal. my only fear is that this goal is also something i want that i can never achieve.


the worst thing i've ever done is listen to other people, who made the same mistakes i am but keep it to themselves in order to seem "professional". but at what?

it's a pretty obvious fact that nobody is truly 100% content for a long period of time. anyone who says it is just a liar.

the world peace paradox

so many people preach on about loving one another and uniting as a world, yet they won't even let themselves relate with those in their own country or community. instead of finding a common ground they work to do all in their power to alienate themselves from those with opposing viewpoints.

the best way to tear down someone's walls (the walls that make for a narrow mind) is from the inside.

Time

is a man made measurement. there is no divinity associated with time other than what we as people have applied in our impressionable heads. days, months, and years, are all man made. we as a species are merely taking up space and floating around this world until our time is up and our bodies are no longer functioning. some of us wear down and nature tells us it's time, others are taken by forces outside of us. regardless of how our lives end, time has no affiliation with god. we cannot travel back or forward in something that is just a measurement, and it is fascinating to think that we made something so serene, yet it cripples us in various ways at the same time. think about it.

but it is better to keep certain information to yourself. keep your thoughts and ideas to yourself, and go with the flow. everyone thinks deep thoughts, questions themselves, and others. everyone gets so alone even when surrounded by others. some just choose to be more open about it.

and

instead of texting on a phone everywhere you go, focus on what's around you. the rate we are accelerating towards introversion is because of technology. that's what they want. by focusing on small screens and other people's endeavors it is easier for the evils of the world to work without others questioning them. don't let that happen. don't become what they want. and don't ever let yourself be a slave to the things you own or what they create. only be a slave to what you love, and never who you love.

EVERYTHING

is changing.


what can you do?

Music

Has kept me sane all these years. I know that everyone says that, but not to the extent for me. Starting when I was 9 years old all my allowance was put away until I could afford the next CD I wanted. All through middle school without any friends, a girlfriend, or any other hobbies, my money I earned went towards either CD's or guitar equipment. I couldn't get enough. I would also shell out cash for compilations and samplers to discover every new band I possibly could. If I didn't have enough for a full length CD, I would buy a CDep, whatever I could do to expand my knowledge. In a way, I miss those days of figuring out who I was and not needing to go out because I had a massive collection of CD's to fill that gap.

When people are asked what music they listen to they always say "everything" but I don't think it's the same. All it normally means is they like some Rap, Country, and a few 90's rock songs they grew up with on the radio. No. Never. I don't listen to EVERYTHING, but I pride myself in knowing in nearly every genre and subgenre I can name at least one artist or maybe song I enjoy.

When I would buy a CD I would devour it, looking up every last bit of information in the liner notes to know what I could about the artist.

THEN the internet entered my life. I crashed my parents computer a few times trying to download MP3's from sketchy websites. Obviously this didn't go over well, and my parents never understood. They raised me to love music, but not how I did. It was almost an obsession.


To this day it hasn't changed much other than the fact I realized what I like and don't like. It was almost a journey based around self-discovery through other people's work. My parents still don't understand, hardly anyone does. I know I'll never play in a full time touring band... but I don't want that either. Where I'm at keeps it as a hobby and something fun as well as fulfilling. If I were to become jaded or just sick of music, I don't know what the hell I would do.


Currently listening to:
Mogwai- Mr. Beast
Cult of Luna- Somewhere Along the Highway
mewithoutYou- Catch For Us the Foxes
Cursive- Domestica/Happy Hollow/Mama, I'm Swollen

Searching for a Sign

My teaching program I am in could not go any better. I am working with a mentor teacher in a 7th grade english classroom. I spend all day there and am basically a teacher's aid, and the class substitutes multiple required courses. Though it begun in early January, this week was when I really noticed how far I've come. I get a warm feeling knowing that this is the right career for me. I wish there was a way I could graduate sooner and go straight into the teaching. However, it has cost me at the same time.

Not being on campus ever has gotten me completely detached from my peers and college life in general. Because I am supposed to act professional, acting that way long enough has had a lasting effect that has boiled over into my every day life. I go to the University Center to eat lunch, by myself sometimes, and looking around at my "peers" I honestly cannot relate. I'm only 19 but I feel like I've already grown out of everything.

I'm not the typical anti-social because I won't let myself fit in type of person, never have been. Just last semester you could find me at a party every night of the weekend. But now I feel an absolute separation between myself and those I used to associate with. Nothing from last year seems even remotely appealing either. It doesn't stop there either. Being a RA in the dorms, you have to stay involved on campus, but even that feels like pulling teeth (which it did long before this semester).

I feel like the same person but the truth is I've changed. I feel as if it is for the better, yet some may argue the contrary.

So nowadays, I really only do the following:
-Hang out with Kristian (whether it's a movie, dinner, etc.)
-Read
-Study
-Music
-if there's time, Modern Warfare 2


The other day, someone told me these are my glory days and to enjoy them while I can. But my rebuttal is simple: how can you enjoy something you're truly ready to be finished with?

But my real concern is what will I grow out of next?

1/21/09

I honestly have no idea what to talk about. At all.


Two times this week I found myself driving at night. No idea where I was going, and with no one but my thoughts and the music playing. When you live in a dorm, and everything is at your fingertips in a city, you tend to feel trapped. Last year with my own room where I spent all my time, I felt the same way. The first night everything in my life had me on end, and I turned off my phone, told Kristian I was going to sleep, and made an attempt to escape. Looking back I don't know what I was trying to escape. I think I just wanted to be reminded that there is life elsewhere, and that I'm not trapped. By doing something completely unexpected and spontaneous, it was living proof that free will still exists. And I almost didn't come home... but without trying I ended up on Amnicola Highway and before I knew it was back on campus.

As odd as it may seem, I think I subconsciously directed myself back. At first I tried to pass it and drive around down town, aimlessly like a lost tourist. Then I realized there's no use. I came back to the dorm and eventually fell asleep.


The next attempt was far worse. I stayed on a single road and chose to drive straight the other way. I knew I was forcing myself though and briefly turned back around.

I don't know what I was trying to do... run away? escape briefly? kill the atmosphere? but whatever it was, I certainly didn't find it.

and I did in fact pay for my own gas too.

Introduction/Prologue

I swore I would never make one of these, but in the back of my head I figured it would eventually happen. My problem with any type of social website is that I get too into it, and extensively update until it is saturated and boring, so I am limiting each update to two or less posts a week. I felt like this was the right time in my life, the day before I start a program that will fast forward my career as a student and throw me into my career sooner than normal. Also, between being active with music in multiple ways, it is a way for me to preserve what I've done. There will also be (some) music, pictures, and other things. Hopefully people will actually read this, and I promised myself I would in turn read the ones others create. So here's to a first post knowing I may be the only one who reads this, but not knowing where things will go...

-aaron